


In the Black

by ArcticLucie



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Enemies to Lovers, Everybody Lives, Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, Post-Canon Fix-It, Slow Burn, Snark, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, like glacial speed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-06-25 10:18:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19743676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArcticLucie/pseuds/ArcticLucie
Summary: Loki died, except he didn’t. Tony might die, except he won’t. Not if Loki can help it, because he owed the universe a debt, and maybe, by saving Stark, he had a chance to save himself.*discontinued, sorz*





	1. Black

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya, I haven't written in this fandom before, but after Endgame I had feels and I needed to fix things. So here we go.
> 
> Enjoy!

Loki knew the tragic fate awaiting him. Thanos had caught up to them, had slain half the Asgardian refugees before his eyes. Hela’s power paled in comparison to that of the Infinity Stones and the Titan who wielded them. And he knew only one Odinson—the rightful king of the Asgardians—would make it out of this alive.

If only he had left the tesseract on Asgard, perhaps Thanos would have spared them, but he couldn’t leave well enough alone. The god of chaos, true to his nature, had doomed them all, and now he had no choice but to turn over the Stone. Because when it finally came down to it, when the universe pushed him to the brink, he couldn’t watch Thor die, not by Thanos’s hand.

In that moment, Loki knew all hope was lost. Thanos would succeed, unburdened by sentimentality and driven by a warped sense of purpose. They couldn’t stop him. He’d grown too powerful. Not even the Hulk could match him fist for fist. The Avengers would try, and they would fail, and as much as Loki would’ve liked to fight by Thor’s side, he knew his time had come.

“Oh, mighty Thanos, I, Loki, Prince of Asgard, Odinson, the Rightful King of Jotunheim, God of Mischief, do hereby pledge to you my undying fidelity.”

On some inexplicable level, he supposed he deserved to die at the hands of Thanos, his sins far greater than the sum of his repentance. The blood he spilled ran deep through the recesses of his mind, and despite how well he hid it, he couldn’t escape the nightmares or outrun the horrors he’d committed in the name of Thanos, of the Titan who had come to collect his soul like Loki always feared he would. But he would fight till the end. He would go down swinging with a sharpened blade and an even sharper tongue.

His eyes found Thor, his brother welded to the remnants of their arc with mangled metal. The torment and dread on his face threatened to rip Loki’s heart to shreds. They’d only just begun to repair the rift that had formed between them, the one he hated to admit sat more heavily on his shoulders than his brother’s. So, he’d accept the burden of Thanos’s wrath. He’d sacrifice his life for Thor’s. He only wished he could take his brother’s grief to Hel with him.

Thor mourned him once, an act Loki had trouble coming to terms with at first, but he hated to think of him having to do it again. They’d lost their mother, their father, even their home—no time to reflect, no time to breathe—and now Thor had to watch this tyrant, this disillusioned brute blind to his own madness, take the last piece from him. It was almost too much for Loki bear. He wanted this to end if only to spare Thor anymore suffering. 

He bowed and summoned a dagger, savoring the feel of cool Asgardian steel in his steady hand. He took one last breath, and he lunged. 

Thanos used the Stones to freeze him in midair before grabbing him by the throat. He never stood a chance. Thick, icy fingers coiled around his neck, and Loki choked as the gauntlet began to tighten. Darkness gnawed at the edges of his vision, his chest burning and begging for one more breath, one more beat of a fading heart. He didn’t want to die, but he could feel it coming.

His consciousness began to ebb, a lifetime of regret racing through his mind like the universe needed him to see it all, needed him to relive his past transgressions one last time, a cruel cosmic joke with him as the punchline. And then came the dread, the all-consuming fear ushered in by the black spiraling inward around his eyes when Thanos squeezed. 

“You… will never be… a god.”

That did it; that ripped through the Titan’s ego and exposed a nerve, raw and raging.

His bones begin to ache, the force from Thanos’s stranglehold promising to turn them into dust. Time and pressure—a fickle combination—had the power to crush mountains and build stars out of their remains. And as fate would have it, obliterate the gods themselves. He wasn’t ready; he’d never be ready, but he heard the crackling of his vertebrae and he knew.

Then, everything stopped.

* * *

Loki woke with a silent scream lodged in his burning throat, panic winding itself through his chest the way roots grow through cracks. He gasped for air but couldn’t get enough into his lungs. The darkness gave away nothing for him to focus on as sat up and leaned back on his hands. His head lolled back, a subconscious test of his bones, and he forced his breathing to slow, forced the panic to recede. 

He blinked away unshed tears and swung his legs to the side, surprised that he’d woken in a bed, though not a comfortable one nor one built for a god. He let out a rueful laugh at the thought of having to sleep on such a heap for all eternity. Though he regretted it when the sound, like acid, tore through his throat. He hoped a drink would soothe the ache.

When he looked around, his eyes caught the glimmer of the faintest light calling to him from where it backlit a door. He approached and tested it, anticipating a lock—old habits—but it pushed open with ease. A series of torches lite up a row of tiny huts behind them. And he raised a perplexed brow when he looked up to see a night sky mottled with stars.

He had no illusions of making it to Valhalla—not after everything he’d done—but he knew he hadn’t arrived in Hel either. He’d made too many enemies for there not to be a “welcome” party awaiting his arrival. So, perhaps he hadn’t died after all, though he’d felt the snapping of Thanos’s fingers against his neck, as true as the beating of his heart, right before the universe vanished out from under him. He remembered taking his last breath and choking on it as he writhed in Thanos’s hand and the look of unabashed horror on Thor’s face.

He lifted his hands and summoned his magic, the faintest trace of green dancing between his fingers. He’d used it, most of it, all of it. He’d slipped through Thanos’s grip without either of them knowing—his will to survive surprising even him—and it left him weak, much weaker than he’d ever been before. He had no way of knowing what happened to his brother, but he hadn’t the strength to return to the ship. He’d need rest and time before he could metaphorically raise himself from the dead once more. But perhaps he shouldn’t this time. 

He could stay dead, hidden away in what little corner of the universe he now found himself in, and hope Thor found peace in his demise. His brother had the Avengers now, to fight beside, to look after him, and he could count on them not to drive a dagger in his back every time he turned around. Thor would survive Thanos, Loki knew that for sure. He also knew _he_ would survive Thanos and whatever havoc the Titan wrought, though unlike Thor, he’d have to do it alone.

Or perhaps not.

Soft footsteps from off to the side had him turning his head, ignoring the twinge that accompanied it, and he watched a man with a graying beard approach. He wore a weary smile as he moved into the light, but kind eyes put Loki at ease. _Primitives_. He’d gathered as much from the small brick huts. The man confirmed it with attire more suited to an ancient Midgard.

“You’re awake,” the man said, sounding more in awe than anything.

“That I am.” Loki nodded his head and gave a bow. “I’m Loki, God of Mischief, Prince of Asgard.”

“A g-god?” The man’s voice stumbled over the word, his eyes going wide before he dropped to his knees. “The prophecy has come.”

Loki hid his amusement. He surmised appearing out of thin air on a primordial planet must’ve riled up the locals. And who was he to deny them their prophecies? It seemed Thanos had done him quite the favor. His first divine duty: turning water into the finest Asgardian wine. He’d stolen the idea from somewhere, but that mattered little. As of now, he had people to rule and a planet to shape into one fit for the gods.

* * *

The snap came sooner than expected and brought with it the inconvenient consequence of turning Loki into a god of vengeance. It took him several weeks after the dusting of half the population for him to convince the survivors the fault lay not on him but on a maleficent Thanos. He vowed to protect them going forward from the monster’s influence, and in return, they gave him a throne.

He spent the next five years in increasing luxury as he imparted his influence over every aspect of life. Technology advanced at a rapid pace with a little help from his magic, and he did his best to rule benevolently, which came easy enough without anyone to challenge him, without Thor’s shadow looming overhead.

Thor had told him back on Sakaar that he could be so much more than just the God of Mischief, and despite the fact their paths might never again converge, Loki felt he owed it to him to try. He’d done a pretty good job on Asgard before Ragnarok. Why hadn’t Thor seen that? Or at the very least, acknowledged that he hadn’t let the place burn to ash in Odin’s absence. No, that happened later. He was _,_ after all, the one who put Surtur’s crown into the Eternal Flame initiating Ragnarok. But he didn’t think that counted.

Loki yawned as he strolled through the great hall separating the throne room from the council chambers. The meeting went well, as usual, no major problems to worry over other than the newly installed drainage system hitting a few snags. Nothing Loki couldn’t fix with a wave of his hand, but he’d let the engineers have a go first.

He bypassed the throne and walked out onto the balcony overlooking the capital, admiring how far they’d come over the past few years. It felt like a lifetime ago since he awoke in that small earthen hut, and now there he stood in the center of a grandiose palace fit for the gods. He’d come to think of the place as home—not that he had much choice considering the total destruction of Asgard—and it filled him with a sense of accomplishment that he’d built it all from dirt.

Thor had Earth; he had Tenvara.

Loki spun on his heel at the sound of approaching footsteps. The head of his royal guard dashed toward him with the most senior member of the council trailing behind, the latter doubling over breathless when he reached them. Loki turned an eye toward Asger, the brawny man’s chest heaving but at least he’d stayed upright. 

“Exalted One,” Asger panted, “they have returned.”

“Who has returned?” Loki asked, his brow furrowing in confusion.

“All… of them,” Egil answered, hands still on his knees. “The vaporized ones.”

Loki’s eyes went wide. “Something has happened.” He’d felt it, the subtle shift of the universe settling around him like a feather falling onto a still pond. He had to find Thor. “I must depart.”

“Where shall you go, our Exalted One?” Asger asked with a puzzled frown.

“To the immortal plane,” he lied, knowing Asger would demand to accompany him otherwise. “They’re in need of my presence.” 

“With all due respect,” Egil started, straightening up but bowing his head when Loki’s attention turned to him, “we are in need of you here.”

Loki looked between them, the worry on their faces softening his own. They needed reassurance. The new civilization he’d built hadn’t known a day without him. “I’ll return as soon as I’m able. I trust the council is more than capable of keeping things afloat until then.”

“Yes, Exalted One, of course.” Egil gave a deep bow before making his leave. “I shall inform the others.”

“Asger, see that things don’t completely fall apart in my absence,” Loki ordered, rolling his eyes at the thought of his kingdom unable to function without him. Though he hoped they’d struggle a little, least they get any crazy ideas about no longer needing him around.

Asger nodded. Loki returned it.

Then in a burst of green, he jumped through space.

* * *

The unmistakable smell of war assaulted him the second he arrived on Midgard. Blood-soaked dirt mixed with unsettled ruble crunched under his feet as he took a moment to orient himself. In the distance stood the Avengers and their allies, war-torn and ravaged, but alive. His eyes found Thor in an instant. Much to his heart’s relief, his brother had survived, just like Loki knew he would.

He gathered his courage, ignoring the wall of Avengers he’d soon face, and set out to join them.

No one seemed to notice his arrival nor his approach, but as soon as he saw Stark propped up against a jagged piece of concrete, he understood why. Their eyes, full of sadness, rested upon their broken Man of Iron. Stark had used the Stones, he’d restored all Thanos had destroyed, and now he’d pay the price for it.

“I can save him,” Loki said, soft enough for only Thor to hear. 

His brother stiffened beside him, eyes falling shut on a stuttered breath. A single tear escaped Thor’s eyes when he opened them, and he turned to wrap Loki in a hug so tight he thought the God of Thunder meant to kill him again—or rather, for the first time.

“Please, brother,” Thor whispered before letting him go.

Loki nodded and began to make his way through the line of heroes, but he hadn’t made it far before the tip of an arrow dug into his neck. “You’re supposed to be dead,” Barton growled, increasing the pressure on his arrow enough to draw blood.

“Barton, he came to help,” Thor said, his booming god-voice demanding most everyone’s attention. 

“Yeah, well too little, too late,” Clint spat, twisting the arrow and making Loki hiss at the pain. Loki’s fingers itched to retaliate, but he knew a fool’s errand when he saw one. Too many enhanced human weapons around for him to fight them all. And he supposed the archer did deserve at least a drop of his blood as retribution for the whole New York debacle. Thank you, Thanos.

“No, he came to help Stark!”

“I might be able to save him,” Loki added, his tension easing when Hawkeye’s grip loosened a fraction.

“He can’t be trusted,” Barton said.

HulkBruce shuffled into sight, hands raised in an attempt to defuse the situation. Loki quirked a brow at that interesting development, but he had no time to dwell on it. He could see Stark fading out of the corner of his eye, and if they didn’t do something fast, no amount of magic could bring him back.

“If he says he can save Tony, then I believe him,” Bruce said. 

“As do I,” spoke Valkyrie from somewhere out of sight. 

“If it’ll help to ease everyone’s minds,” said that infuriating, cape wearing wizard he and Thor had run into on his last visit to Midgard, “I’ll take responsibility for him.”

Loki didn’t justify that with a response, nor did he look Strange’s way, but he knew the man read the contempt on his face.

“I think I can handle my brother, Wizard,” Thor replied, and Loki couldn’t help himself from throwing Strange a smug look.

Barton released him with a shove, and he stumbled forward, catching his balance and making a show of dusting himself off as a distraction from the uneasy eyes burning holes through him—or trying to anyway. Barton looked over to Rogers, obviously willing to defer to his judgment. “Cap?”

Rogers met Loki’s gaze and stared him down for a second longer than Stark really had to spare, but then he gave the slightest of nods as he said, “Do it.”

As much as Loki detested the idea of Captain America giving him orders, he replied with the slightest of curtsies before joining the Redhead and Boy Wonder by Stark’s side. “May I?” he asked, kneeling down in front of Stark before anyone had time to answer.

Loki had looked into the eyes of a thousand dying men. He’d seen fear and anger, acceptance and forgiveness, but something stood out about Stark, the man who saved the universe, who defeated Thanos, and who seemed rather content as death stood ready at his doorstep. But underneath his tattered suit and behind the glassy eyes of a man taking in his final breaths, Loki saw a different kind of fear, the kind tangled with the unbridled heartache of seeing his brilliance lost before its time.

Loki knew that kind of fear, because he’d recognized it in himself on more than one occasion.

That’s when he understood. The universe had spared him for this, had saved him from Thanos so he could in turn save Stark, their fates woven together by an all-knowing cosmos. He let out a determined breath and called on every ounce of magic in his power, the green hue lighting his way as it enveloped Stark in its gentle embrace.

“You can rest now, Stark,” he said, in a voice so comforting he hardly recognized it as his own. “I’ll take it from here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Worth continuing, or should I see myself out?


	2. Not Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Tony safe for the moment, Loki has a chance to ~~make friends and influence people~~ defend himself against suspicious Avengers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all your kind words!!

“We need to get him to a medical facility,” Loki said as he stood, his hands still flickering green from his magic. He’d laid Stark flat and put him in stasis, bringing down his body temperature enough to preserve brain function. “The more advanced the better.”

“Might I offer my assistance?”

Loki’s eyes jumped to a teenage girl who had addressed the group. He scoffed at the thought of the Avengers recruiting toddlers next. “And you are?”

“I’m Shuri, and Wakanda has the most advanced medical facilities in the world.”

“My sister is correct,” replied a man in a black cat suit. “Wakanda will offer him the best chance at survival.”

“Are you sure about that, T’Challa?” Rogers asked. “This is Loki we’re talking about.”

“No,” Loki interjected, his tone clipped with impatience and fatigue. “We are talking about Stark, who, in case you haven’t noticed, has suffered catastrophic injuries to every part of his body. And unless you want to let him die, I suggest we stop talking about yours truly and start moving."

“Loki’s right,” Bruce agreed. “Tony doesn’t have much time. We can argue about Loki once he’s stabilized.”

Loki nodded his reluctant appreciation, still having had no time to process whatever fusion had occurred there. He let out a breath and concentrated on holding the stasis field, but he knew he couldn’t keep Tony’s vitals steady for long, not with the amount of damage he’d sustained.

“Then it is settled,” said T’Challa. “Dr. Strange, if you don’t mind.”

The Wizard opened a portal before addressing Rogers. “Rest assured, I won’t let him out of my sight.”

Loki didn’t even have the energy to roll his eyes, so he blinked hard and began to move Stark through the portal, only half impressed at the Wizard’s work.

“Do you need help, brother?” Thor asked as he fell into step beside him.

“I think I can handle a little transportation.”

They let the conversation die. Thor looked worn out from battle, and Loki had more pressing things to worry about, not just Stark and how many Avengers would line up to tear him apart if he couldn’t save him, but also about the state of Tenvara. He’d established the council to run the day to day operations, but he knew they’d have their hands full with the unexpected boom in population. He needed to get back and check on things as soon as possible.

* * *

It took a few hours for Wakanda’s medical staff to stabilize Stark enough for him to pull back on the stasis field. They had to remove the Iron Man suit piece by piece and hook him up to a variety of machines for monitoring and life support. As an added precaution, he cast a spell to keep Stark in a state of suspended animation until they came up with a treatment plan. Only then did Loki have the opportunity to breathe again.

He left the room to give Mrs. Stark and the spider boy some privacy, but as soon as he hit the threshold, he came face to face with Dr. Strange.

“Your brother did his best to convince me you’ve changed, but forgive my skepticism on the matter.”

Loki pushed past him, waving a dismissive hand. “You’re forgiven,” he droned. He intended to join Bruce and Shuri to discuss a plan of action on dealing with Stark, but Thor appeared from behind a pillar holding a giant plate of food that made him alter course when his stomach rumbled.

“Are you hungry, brother?” Thor asked before ripping a chunk of meat off the bone of some Midgardian animal.

“Starved,” he replied, grabbing some for himself.

Up close, Thor looked like he’d aged a hundred years since the last time he saw him. He’d grown his hair out and put on a few pounds, but Loki figured losing everything would take its toll on anyone. He’d had an entire planet to keep him busy in the interim, but Thor looked like a man lost in darkness, perhaps he never really left that stretch of space where Thanos had ambushed them.

“Nice axe,” said Loki before biting into his meat.

“Nice robes,” Thor replied.

Loki flaunted the silken fabric of his royal attire. “Custom made.”

“So’s Stormbreaker.” Thor popped a bright purple fruit into his mouth with a grin. “I had to take the full force of a star for it.”

Of course, Loki took his boastful retort as a challenge. “I had to conjure an entire colony of silk worms for my cape alone.” He knew that didn’t quite compare, but it was something Thor could never do.

Thor huffed before they settled into silence, both choosing to ignore the Wizard hovering around just out of view. They’d finished the plate of food in no time at all, but Loki lingered, sensing Thor had more on his mind than small talk. He figured he owed him as much.

“How many times must I mourn you, Loki?” Thor asked, every word drenched with a sorrow that cut through them both like a dagger.

Loki cleared his throat. “Hopefully none. It’s not like I plan these things.” He let out a sigh that turned into a quiet laugh. “Well, except that one time on Svartalfheim.”

“The next time you die, I’m delivering you to Valhalla myself!” The volume of Thor’s voice drew everyone’s attention, but neither cared.

Loki made sure to keep his reply soft and sincere. He needed Thor to know he meant it. “Then I shall do my best to spare you the burden.”

Thor began a hasty retreat that had Loki rolling his eyes. And they called him the diva.

“It wasn’t my doing this time, brother. I felt the universe go dark and then I woke up in a tiny hut on a primitive planet. I can only assume my magic protected me somehow.” He had so many protection spells weaved around him that he’d lost track of them all.

Thor stopped and turned to face him, anguish carved into every line on his face. “And you couldn’t come home?”

Loki sighed, looking down at his feet for a moment before meeting Thor’s eyes. “And what home would that be?”

“New Asgard,” Thor ground out, like Loki knew what that meant. “With  _ our _ people.”

Loki stepped closer in an attempt to glean a little privacy for their latest family squabble after having drawn the attention of every guard in the vicinity. “I’m truly sorry you had to mourn alone. It took me weeks to regain my strength, and by that time, Thanos had already finished what he started. I couldn’t chance visiting Midgard without you. They would’ve killed me on sight.”

He watched Thor’s shoulders deflate, the anger draining out of him at Loki’s explanation.

“I don’t wish to fight, Thor. I think we’ve both done enough of that to last the rest of our lives.”

Thor nodded in agreement. “On that, we can agree.”

“We can talk more later, brother, but right now, I should help Stark.” They looked toward Bruce and Shuri who both averted their eyes.

Thor laughed. “Midgardians are so nosy.”

“Says the God of Whispers,” the Wizard mumbled under his breath. 

Loki shot him a glare, but when he turned back to the Thor, his brother gave him a bright smile. He wouldn’t admit that he missed that.

“Wizard, get my brother a drink. I shall return with more food.”

* * *

* * *

Tony had died.

Of course he’d died. He’d snapped his mortal fingers, saved the galaxy, and vaporized Thanos into a trillion microscopic pieces. What else had he expected? A ticker tape parade? And then Tony Stark, genius billionaire playboy philanthropist, had died. Okay, so maybe  _ that _ particular version of him had died long before, but Tony Stark, Avenger, time travel pioneer, and devoted father, had died.

He saw it coming. Well, not at first, not until Strange held up that damn finger. Then he knew, and he did it anyway. He had to. The odds:  14,000,605 to 1 . Maybe Bruce could’ve taken the full force of the Stones again, or perhaps Rogers, Barnes if he had a choice, but no.  14,000,605 to 1, and he was the one. Not to brag or anything.

Then out of the dust and rubble, Peter reappeared and his heart couldn’t take it. He felt it bursting in his chest, not unlike the aliens Peter had gone on and on about on their way to Titan. And Pepper, his Pepper. She didn’t look afraid to lose him; he was thankful for that. She’d be okay. So would Morgan, Happy would make sure of that. They would all be okay. Except for him. Because yeah, he was dying.

The Royal Reindeer showed up after that. He appeared out of nowhere like the trickster they all knew and loved—read hate—and Tony didn’t even have the strength to offer him a witty hello. Because he was dying and Loki was just a figment of his oxygen-starved imagination, his brain flooding with chemicals that induced delirium.

It made sense Loki would usher him into the afterlife. Except it didn’t. It should’ve been Nat. Or his mother. Or his Jarvis. But nope. The universe had sent the God of Mischief. And what could a dead man do? Nothing really. So, he listened when Loki spoke, obeyed when he told him to close his eyes, and died when his world went black.

* * *

The unmistakable sound of someone clearing their throat jolted him awake—or as awake as a dead man could get—only for him to recoil in shock at the sight of Loki leering down at him.

“I know what you’re probably thinking, but you’re not dead,” Loki said, his voice laced with an undertone of boredom.

Tony squeezed his eyes shut. He opened one before closing it and opening the other, but Loki hadn’t vanished, the god still hovering over him with amusement softening his features. Tony pressed his knuckles into his eye sockets so hard he saw white then opened them again, blinking away the spots. He knew this place without looking: Stark Tower circa 2012.

Tony jumped off the couch and Loki startled, inching backward as Tony stalked toward him. “Come again?” he asked as they began to circle each other like sharks positioning themselves for a kill.

“I said you’re not dead, Stark. And surprise,” Loki paused as he gestured at himself, “neither am I.”

“Thor said you were.”

“He didn’t have the whole story.”

“Which is?”

“That I’m not dead.”

Tony rolled his eyes so far back he thought he saw his brain. He planted his feet and crossed his arms. “Okay, Honest Abe, I’ll bite. What am I then?”

He watched Loki’s lips curl into a satisfied grin at the assumption he’d won that round. “Only mostly dead.”

“And you are?”

“Very much alive.”

Tony rubbed his forehead. He couldn’t tell if Loki caused his headache, but he wouldn’t hesitate to blame him for it.

“Are you in pain?” Loki asked, and Tony only flinched a little at the concern on his face. Because that was hella weird.

“Yeah,” he drawled, “but I figured you had that effect on people.”

Loki scoffed. “One moment.”

Loki disappeared for a few seconds before materializing on the nearest couch, one leg crossed over the other and arms stretched wide along the back. He looked almost regal in his black fitted suit, an emerald tie like an aurora against a midnight sky. Deliciously divine with a disarming smile, but that’s exactly what the devil would want you to think.

Tony glowered at him with suspicion when the pain in his head alleviated. “What did you do?”

“I had them increase your medication.”

“Them?” Tony questioned, hating that he lacked so much information.

“Surely you, the brilliant Anthony Stark, can figure it out for yourself.”

He knew he couldn’t trust Loki to tell the truth, but for some reason he doubted they had made it to the afterlife. Purgatory? That might explain Loki, but no. They must’ve transported him to a hospital—preferably one on Earth. So he’d take coma for a thousand, Alex.

“Ah, you must be a manifestation of my conscience come to convince me not to give up. Are you going to teach me some kind of lesson first? Like how to learn to trust again?” Tony asked with mock credulity. He joined Loki in the sitting area and took a seat across from him, copying Loki’s pose.

“I assure you I am the one and only God of Mischief. And I’ve offered my assistant in saving your life. I’m using my magic to project myself into your mind to see that you’re as comfortable as possible.”

Tony sat forward and placed his elbows on his knees steepling his hands. “Wait, back up. Why you, the least trustworthy guy I know, and not the Strange or Mantis girl?”

Loki moved to mirror him. “I don’t know, Stark. The universe owes you a debt and it sent me to pay it. Something about ledgers and the color red.”

His heart seized at the thought of Natasha. She’d paid the greatest debt of all. Had Loki meant to plunge the dagger into his chest, or did he just have a knack for it?

“I know you don’t believe me,” Loki continued as he straightened, “and you have no reason to, but I really am here to help. In time, I’m sure you’ll come to see that.” The sincerity in Loki’s voice put Tony on edge more than it offered solace. It sounded foreign on his tongue, probably as much to Loki as it did to him, and he couldn’t detect even a hint of deceit.

And yes, Tony once again noticed the weird.

He pinned Loki with a glare. “I swear to god, Loki, if you fuck with my mind like you did Barton, I’m going to hunt you down and strangle you with my bare hands.”

Loki laughed and nodded. “I’m sure there will be a line.”

Out of nowhere, exhaustion hit Tony like a freight train, his eyelids turning into cinder blocks. “Thought I was unconscious,” he mumbled. Did unconscious people sleep? No, because that made absolutely no sense.

“It’s just the sedative,” Loki explained, his voice warm and reassuring. “You should rest, Stark. We’ve only now got your vitals stable.”

“Nope, not with you here.” He tried to open his eyes to illustrate his point, but he couldn’t make them cooperate.

“Very well. I will visit you later.”

Tony hummed and managed to crack an eye long enough to watch Loki disappear. Then, he let the darkness drag him further into unconsciousness.

* * *

* * *

Loki supposed he understood why they insisted on keeping him under heavy guard, but they were fools to think it could stop him from doing whatever he damn well pleased. Though he went along with the charade, because he kind of missed this planet and all its quirky defenders. Or maybe he missed the challenge of them.

With a little help from his  _ Strange _ escort, he made his way to the medical ward. He’d eaten, he’d slept, he’d spent an hour in the bath. And now he had to bid his farewell so he could return to Tenvara. Though he immediately regretted not taking his time with breakfast when he strolled into medical to find the cavalry had arrived.

Most of the Avengers had stayed behind at ground zero to do cleanup or what not, but a few more had made it to Wakanda while he’d rested.

“Just run us through it one more time,” Rogers instructed Bruce.

Loki held back to listen to Banner dumb down Tony’s treatment plan for them.

“Essentially, we are going to rejuvenate Tony’s cells one by one. Although rejuvenate is an oversimplification. It’s more like we’re going to clean out the radiation, repair as much damage as we can to the cellular structures, and stitch his DNA back together.”

“I still don’t understand why you need Loki,” Barton interrupted, his eyes having found Loki and refusing to budge. “Can’t you and Shuri use tech to do all that?”

“We’re going to, but… let me put it another way. You know what dialysis is, right? Where they remove the blood of someone whose kidneys don’t function properly, clean out all the junk, and put it back in. That’s kind of what we’re going to do at the cellular level, but we’re not really removing the cells, just isolating them. In order to do that, we need something—a.k.a. Loki’s magic—to hold everything in place, so we don’t make things worse while we fix it.”

“And Strange can’t do that?” Rogers asked.

“Of course he can,” Loki interjected, pushing his way through the crowd. “If you want to fry Stark’s cells even more than the Gamma radiation already has. But I don’t advise it on the account of, well, it killing him.” He didn’t find it worth mentioning the spell he’d put into place to keep the wizard from meddling. If Strange thought he could outsorcer a god, he was sadly mistaken.

“How can we be sure this isn’t another one of his tricks?”

Loki turned a predatory grin on Rogers. “Oh Cap—can I call you Cap? I’m going to anyway—oh Cap, you can’t be sure of anything really. But I have no need of your planet or anyone on it as I have settled my own peacefully, which is doing quite well, thank you. But in case my brother hasn’t made it clear enough, I’m truly here to help.”

“You can’t be trusted, not after New York,” Barton said with a low growl.

“I, of all people, know how deceitful my brother is,” Thor said, coming to his defense, sort of, “but even he deserves a second chance... or a third.”

Loki scoffed and returned Barton’s murderous glare before putting his smile back into place. “Barton, you must remember how it felt to be powerless to stop a madman once he’d infiltrated your mind. I know because Thanos did it to me, controlling me with the Mind Stone while using me to do it to you. Neither of us can change the past, but I truly wish to make amends for my part in it.” He turned his attention back to Rogers. “Besides, I’d hardly stand a chance against the lot of you. I may be a trickster, but I’m no fool.”

Before anyone could argue his point, Redhead came running out of Stark’s room, alarm written all over her face. “Bruce, something’s wrong,” she said. “His oxygen levels are dropping.”

Excellent timing. Loki had grown bored of defending himself to stubborn Midgardians, and it seemed Stark had offered up the perfect deflection.


	3. Swiss Cheese

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki gets down to business.

Tony woke in a panic, his lungs fighting for air, like someone had thrown him back aboard that derelict ship after Titan. He sat up as he clutched his chest, a cold sweat forming on his brow.  
  
Stark Tower, circa 2012, Thanos, Infinity Stones, coma. _Right_.  
  
So maybe not woke so much as gained a degree of consciousness.  
  
“Stark, it’s all right. Everything’s fine,” came a voice he vaguely registered as Loki’s, and he didn’t dare think about the hand on his back. “Just a small technical difficulty with your oxygen supply, but Shuri made a few adjustments, and you’re going to be all right.”  
  
He looked up at Loki, chest still heaving, but surprisingly reassured. Still weird. “Yep, right as rain. That’s me,” he choked out.  
  
Loki stepped back and crossed his arms. Tony had to look away as emerald eyes began to assess him. He felt uneasy under the scrutiny, or maybe that had more to do with the assessor.  
  
“If you’re gonna insist on playing nursemaid, Trixie, you could at least dress the part.”  
  
Loki’s amused huff had Tony latching on to his gaze. “I didn’t come to play nursemaid; I came to inform you of my departure.”  
  
“Off to terrorize the innocent, I presume?”  
  
“Of course not,” Loki said with a scowl. “Unlike you, Stark, I have a planet to run.”  
  
Tony took a deep breath on a slow blink. “Please don’t say it’s Earth.”  
  
“It’s not Earth. But I wanted to let you know I’ll be back.”  
  
“And I care because?”  
  
“It’s either me or potentially months of solitude. So, choose your poison,” Loki said as a smug grin spread across his lips.  
  
Tony flopped back down on the couch, forearm coming up to cover his face. “I choose solitude.”  
  
“Suit yourself.” Loki sighed then faded away.  
  
It only took Tony a couple of hours to regret his decision. He and boredom didn’t mix, but then again, neither did he and Loki.

* * *

* * *

“Wizard?” Loki called, drawing Strange’s attention from his current conversation.  
  
“As I’ve already told you, I’m the Master of the Mystic Arts and Sorcerer Supreme,” Strange replied as he approached, his voice full of equal parts antipathy and exhaustion.  
  
“Yes, and Wizard for short.” Loki smirked. “I don’t suppose your sorcery can conjure up a portal to the other side of the universe.”  
  
“Child’s play.”  
  
“Great, because I need transport.”  
  
“I’m afraid I can’t let you leave Earth until you’re finished with Stark’s treatment,” Strange said, turning to walk away.  
  
“So, I’m being held captive now? Can’t say I’m shocked, but I suppose it’s too much to ask of a Midgardian that they extend a little common courtesy to someone offering their help.” Loki let out a long-suffering sigh when Strange ignored him. If antagonizing the Wizard wouldn’t work, he’d try something a bit more stylish.  
  
“I’m _going_ to check on my kingdom, with or without your assistance. But if I’m also to help Stark, I really should conserve my energy.”

Strange stopped at that but didn’t turn around.

Loki grinned, knowing he had Strange’s attention, then continued, “However, if I’m forced to use my magic on intergalactic travel, who knows how long it may take to regain enough strength to return. Weeks perhaps. Maybe even—”  
  
Strange spun to face him, eyes clouding over at the undertone of menace in Loki’s reply. “All right, Loki, but I can only give you two hours.”  
  
“Four,” he countered, “and I’ll stop calling you Wizard.”  
  
“Three.”  
  
“Deal,” Loki said with an easy smile. He turned his head just enough to see Thor who’d wandered over at some point. “Will you be joining us, brother?”  
  
“Of course, Loki. I’m eager to see this NewNew Asgard you speak of.”  
  
Loki rolled his eyes back to Strange and waved his hand in a circle signaling he was ready to depart.  
  
“And upon our return, I can show you New Asgard,” Thor added, slinging an arm over Loki’s shoulder as he let out a laugh dripping with mirth.  
  
Loki couldn’t help but join in. His five-year absence had made his heart grow fonder. They’d both needed that, time apart, a break from each other and from the games and the fighting. He couldn’t recall the last time he’d felt genuine happiness at seeing Thor—perhaps he’d never felt it—but things change. They’d lost everything, and now that they were free of Asgard and the burdens of its throne, free of their father’s meddling and lies, their animosity seemed to have diminished. Maybe, after all these years, they could finally figure out how to be brothers.

* * *

A full unit of guards surrounded the portal when they made it through to Tenvara. Thor tensed beside him, but Loki shrugged off his arm and stepped forward, his eyes searching and easily finding Asger among the crowd.  
  
“Not exactly the welcome I was expecting, Asger,” Loki groused.  
  
“My deepest apologizes, Exalted One.” Asger bowed and the rest of the guards followed his lead.  
  
“No harm done. Centuries, you may return to your posts.” The guards dispersed, but the uneasy glances they shot Thor and Strange as they passed didn’t go unnoticed—more otherworldly beings to add to their pantheon. Loki waited until they’d gone before making introductions. “Where are my manners? Asger, my head of security. Thor, my brother. And,” Loki paused on a smirk, “ _Doctor_ Wizard.”  
  
“I thought we settled this,” Strange snapped.  
  
“Oh, we did, and as I’m sure you noticed, I properly addressed you as Doctor.”  
  
“Rookie mistake, Dr. Wizard,” Thor quipped.  
  
“Asger, alert the council of my return,” Loki ordered, not wanting to waste any time. He needed to assess the strain of the population boom on their resources and take care of any problems that had occurred in his absence.  
  
“They’re all in the council chambers in an emergency meeting, our Exalted One. They haven’t adjourned since your departure.”  
  
“Exalted One?” asked an unamused Strange.  
  
Just for that, “Asger, do me a favor and don’t let the good Wizard Doctor out of your sight.” After Asger bowed in agreement, Loki set out for the council chambers. “Feel free to have a look around. Asger will see that you have everything you need.” He knocked shoulders with Strange as he passed. “And for the record, they don’t have to call me that, but they insist. One of their customs, so I’m told.”  
  
Loki made it halfway through the great hall before he heard Thor’s delighted laughter echoing off the shiny marble columns that flanked the hall. “You commissioned a statue of me, brother?”  
  
He spun and started walking backwards as he held out his arms with a shrug. “Of course, why wouldn’t I?”  
  
“It’s a bit short, don’t you think?”  
  
Loki chuckled and turned back around. “I hadn’t noticed.”  
  
The giant doors of the great hall opened when he drew near, and he addressed the guards who stood on the other side as he walked through. “Gosta, Sylvi, any unrest to report?”  
  
“Quite the opposite, my king. My wife and son have both returned to me,” Gosta replied, his voice cracking near the end.  
  
“As have my sisters,” Sylvi added. “It’s a day for celebration!”  
  
“That it is,” Loki agreed, continuing on.  
  
He felt more than heard the collective sigh of relief when he entered the council chambers. “No need to get up,” he said, commanding everyone’s attention. “I know you all must be very tired.”  
  
“We’re just happy of your return, King Loki,” one of the council women said.  
  
Loki returned her kind smile and headed for his empty chair at the front of the room. He sat down and crossed one leg over the other and placed his elbows on the armrests. He smiled with contentment at seeing the adoring faces staring back at him, having grown weary of the cold glares he received on Midgard.  
  
“First order of business: emergencies. I want a list in order of importance as well as a complete account from all districts detailing any foreseeable problems. Next—” He paused when Thor and Strange entered the room and waited for them to settle in the far corner. “Next, an inventory of every available resource we have. Also, I trust you’ve been working on a contingency plan to house and feed those who’ve returned to us. We need both short and long-term strategies, but the former first. We should probably take a census as well.”  
  
“One is already underway, Exalted One,” Egil informed him.  
  
“Excellent,” Loki said, beaming proudly at his council. “We’re already making progress.”

* * *

In the end, Strange gave him the full four hours on Tenvara, for which he was grateful, though he knew he hadn’t done it for him. Loki ended up fixing the malfunctioning drainage system with his magic and took care of a few other major problems that he assumed occurred every time a society doubled in size overnight. He only had time to peruse their contingency plan once, but he found no obvious flaws, so he approved its implementation.  
  
He knew they had a tremendous amount of work to do to get everyone settled in, but the council would have to take the lead for now. A few members voiced their concern when he announced he couldn’t stay, but Strange stepped in and promised to return him as soon as possible.  
  
“Brother, I’m impressed,” said Thor as they made their way back to the throne room. “Though I always knew you had it in you.”  
  
Loki replied with an absent-minded hum, his thoughts still racing with a thousand things he needed to do but didn’t have time for.  
  
Thor placed a gentle hand on his shoulder drawing his attention. “Mother would be proud.”  
  
He swallowed down the lump forming in his throat at the mention of their mother, but at least Thor had refrained from dragging Odin into the mix. “It must run in the family.”  
  
“Not to interrupt your moment,” Strange said, summoning a portal, “but we really should be going.”  
  
Thor held his gaze for a beat longer before giving his shoulder a comforting squeeze and following Strange through to Midgard.  
  
“Ah, Asger,” Loki said, noticing his guard peering into the portal with apprehension. “I do hope my next welcome is more befitting of my return than the first.”  
  
“My deepest apologies, Exalted One,” he replied with a deep bow.  
  
“I’m only teasing. You had no way of knowing what potential treachery stood on the other side of this mystic gateway. You did your job, and for that, I am thankful.”  
  
“When shall we be expecting your return?”  
  
Loki placed his hands behind his back and began to pace. “I fear I may be away longer than I wish, but my brother’s people suffered greatly in the battle to restore order and free the souls Thanos had taken. We owe them a great debt. Everyone here will prosper, I’ll make sure of that, but there are some in need of my help, and I must give it.”  
  
“Your benevolence knows no rival, my king.”  
  
Yep, that was Loki, washing away his sins one planet at a time. He laughed low in his throat, a rueful smile on his lips. “I really must be going.”  
  
“We shall eagerly await your return.”  
  
Asger stood at attention and Loki took it as his cue to step through the portal. Suspicious stares greeted him on Midgard, but he didn’t have time to acknowledge them. The faster he helped Stark recover, the faster he could return home where he belonged.

* * *

* * *

Tony felt Loki’s presence without having to open his eyes. He hadn’t moved since Loki left—not much point considering the coma—and he had no concept of time. For all he knew, he’d stayed like that for centuries. Although, he hoped not, for Pepper’s sake. But he couldn’t dwell on that now or how it would’ve been kinder on her to die like he was supposed to. He’d wait until Loki left before he’d toss himself into that particular blackhole.  
  
“The prodigal god has returned,” Tony said before sitting up and stretching his arms. “How goes the pillaging?”  
  
“If by pillaging you mean ridding Tenvara’s non-potable water reserves of pathogens to assure no one dies of thirst and advancing the next harvest so they won’t know hunger, then I’d say it went quite well.”

“I’m sorry, Ten-what now?”  
  
The guilt-ridden expression on Loki’s face almost made him feel bad for asking. “Tenvara,” Loki repeated. “It’s the planet I was stranded on after Thanos tried—and failed—to kill me. They embraced my divinity right away, and in return I vowed to do everything in my power to keep them safe and comfortable for as long as I’m able. Though it’s a bit difficult to do from here.”  
  
Tony eyed him with suspicion. “You are Loki, right? God of Mischief, fratricidal brother of Thor— _adopted_ —and unsuccessful conqueror of Earth? That Loki?”  
  
“The one and only,” he confirmed with a graceful tilt of his head. “But as I’ve recently learned, it’s much easier to conquer— _your_ word not mine—a planet if the inhabitants actually want you there.”  
  
“Huh.” Tony leaned back against the couch. He couldn’t argue with that logic, and even though he didn’t trust Loki as far as he could throw him, Thor had done a pretty good job of pleading his case in regards to Loki’s involvement in New York and the extent of Thanos’s manipulation of him, and then how he’d “died” a hero’s death trying to stop him.  
  
He motioned for Loki to take the seat across from him, not comfortable with him looming over him like, well, a god. “So… let’s entertain the idea that you genuinely want to save my life—as some kind of repentance, I assume—after having turned over a new leaf. How exactly is that going to work? I knew I was going to fry from the power of the Infinity Stones, so what makes you think I can even be saved?”  
  
“You doubt my abilities?”  
  
“And our technologies,” he added.  
  
“Wakanda is far more advanced than even they realize, but with Banner’s help and the impressively brilliant mind of Shuri, we’ve come up with a plan that involves using specially designed chelators to bind to the radioactive actinides that infiltrated your body when you used the Stones.”  
  
“Which takes care of the lingering radiation,” Tony surmised, doing his best not to show his surprise at the fact what Loki said actually made sense. His mind splintered into a dozen tangents regarding the similarities between Asgardian and Midgardian biology, but he reigned himself in and continued. “What about the damage that’s already been done? That many gamma rays and the DNA in every cell of my body must now look like Swiss cheese.”  
  
“‘Swiss cheese?’” Loki question, but Tony ignored him.  
  
“The point is, it’s impossible to repair that much damage. We’re talking apoptosis on a massive scale and unchecked tumor growth out the wazoo, and that’s if my cells don’t go into senescence first. All of which translates to death.” He should be dead, if not now, then very, very soon.  
  
Loki quirked a brow, one corner of his mouth curving into a crooked grin. “Or whatever the Hel happened to Banner. And no disrespect to him, but I don’t think the universe can handle two Hulks.”  
  
Tony’s eyes went wide at the thought. “I didn’t even think of a full-scale mutation.”  
  
“From what I know of your Midgardian biology—which isn’t much, I admit—that’s what’s happening to you right now. Hopefully, not the mutation part, but the rest is accurate from what Banner explained.” Loki gave him a look he couldn’t decipher before flashing a boastful smile. “But no need to worry,” he continued as he stood and started walking toward the windows overlooking the fake New York City. “That is where I come in.”  
  
Tony got up and joined him. “I flew into a wormhole because of you, and almost died in the process.” He didn’t mention the psychological toll it took on him, because Loki didn’t need the satisfaction of hearing how screwed up it made him. “Is that why you want to help me now? The guilt? Because Thor tried to explain Thanos’s hold on you, but I can’t help but wonder how much was his doing and how much was your own.”  
  
Loki sighed, and they gazed out over the skyline in silence for a while. Tony expected it to grow awkward or stifling, but it felt almost comfortable. He could blame that on the drugs though; he knew they had to have had him on a nice cocktail considering his current state of radioactive decay.  
  
“Some of it was my own,” Loki admitted, voice a level above a whisper when he spoke. He looked over at Tony and met his eyes. “Even gods make mistakes, but a wise man once told me, life is about growth, and part of mine is to make amends.” Loki looked away, and Tony watched his jaw clench and relax. “I admire what you did, taking down Thanos when no one else could, trading your life for half of the universe’s. Noble, and maybe a bit stupid, but noble nonetheless.”  
  
Tony scoffed. “I had no choice.”  
  
“There’s always a choice. And you made yours.”  
  
“And your choice to join Thanos?”  
  
Loki sighed again, this one overflowing with a great deal of sorrow, and maybe Tony shouldn’t have trusted anything he had to say, but he kind of wanted to. Because if he didn’t believe in growth and redemption, what did that say about his own?  
  
“I chose to live,” Loki said, and Tony watched his eyes go hollow at his words. “He used me and he spit me out just like he did to everything and everyone he came in contact with, including his own daughters. But yes, I made a choice.”  
  
“And I chose to die,” Tony replied, almost too quiet for even himself to hear.  
  
“You’re a better man than I, Stark.”  
  
He looked away when Loki turned back to him. “You tried to kill him too, Loki.”  
  
“And yet again my will to live overpowered everything else, but I guess I have my magic to thank for that one.”  
  
Another silence blossomed around them, and Tony almost hated the fact that he, at the very least, understood. He didn’t have a death wish, not anymore anyway, but he couldn’t exactly fault someone else for wanting to live either. That nifty little feature hardwired into the living kept life moving on even in the face of extinction.  
  
“Which brings us full circle,” Loki said, his mood brightening in an instant as they both turned to face the other. “My magic is keeping you in stasis along with the coma. And now, with the help of Wakanda’s technology, we’re going to begin making repairs to your DNA and any damage to your cellular function caused by the radiation. But unfortunately, there’s no way to do it all at once, which means it’ll take a while.”  
  
“A while?” Tony let out a bitter laugh. “I have over thirty trillion cells in my body, double that if we’re talking my bacterial flora as well. Reconstruction on that scale will take decades, if it’s even possible at all.” And Pepper and Morgan didn’t have that kind of time.  
  
“Which is why I’ll be speeding up the process as best I can, but we can’t know how long it’ll take until we’ve actually gotten started. Then there will be revisions to make since it’s all trial and error at this point, but I have faith in Banner and Shuri, and obviously myself.”  
  
Tony groaned. “It’d be faster to just clone me.”  
  
Loki’s amused laugh caught him by surprise. “Someone mentioned cloning, but the idea was struck down on account of no one wanting to take the chance of unleashing more Tony Starks unto the world.”  
  
“Why do I find that appealing?”  
  
Loki split into enough replicas of himself to circle them. “Unlike me, you couldn’t control them.”  
  
“Then I take it back,” Tony said with an exaggerated shudder as Loki coalesced back into one.  
  
“We should be getting started shortly, so I should go. But I’ll be back to make sure you haven’t suffered any damage to your mind from the procedure. Not that I anticipate that, but as you know, this has never been attempted before.”  
  
“Yay, I can’t wait,” Tony droned, rolling his eyes. “What’s the worst that could happen? You make me even deader?”  
  
“We’ve been over this, Stark. You’re not dead. You still have brain function, and Shuri’s doing everything she can to keep your body from shutting itself down.”  
  
Tony supposed that should have consoled him, but it didn’t. He refused to get his hopes up only to have the rug pulled out from under him—or rather, the plug pulled from the wall—but despite Loki’s involvement, Bruce would do everything in his power to keep him alive. And for some odd reason, he thought Loki would do the same.


	4. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's memories take him down a dark path, but Loki's bring him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There be angst ahead!

Tony laid outstretched on the couch, one leg dangling off, the other propped up on the armrest. The quiet had started to get to him, but he’d already gone through every song he could remember the lyrics to plus several more with missing pieces he creatively filled in. Not to mention the second round of Falco’s _Rock Me Amadeus_ in which he substituted all mention of Amadeus for the words hot potato because that’s how Morgan sang it. He swore he could hear her tiny voice harmonizing right along with him. 

On some level, he hoped Pepper would keep her away so she didn’t have to see her dad hooked up to all the wires and machines keeping him alive, but on the other hand, he’d give just about anything to have her by his side. He knew how selfish that made him, but he didn’t care. He’d read an article about people in comas who were aware of their environment, and he wanted nothing more in that moment than to feel his little girl’s hand cradled in his own.

He thought back to the first time her tiny hand wrapped around his finger. In an instant, his surroundings transformed into the hospital suite on the night of her birth. He watched a younger version of himself scoop up a fussy Morgan and begin to walk the floor with her in an attempt to buy Pepper a few more minutes of sleep. She settled instantly against him, her velvety fingers gripping the tip of his pinky.

His heart almost couldn’t handle the amount of love bursting forth from it. He’d fought so hard and lost so much, but he’d made her a promise in that moment that he’d do everything in his power to make sure she’d never know the kinds of pain and suffering he’d seen and experienced over the years. And things had gone mostly okay, up to the second Rogers showed up at his door. But he didn’t want to think about what happened after, the wounds too fresh in his mind. 

The hospital room faded back into the empty tower as he pushed down the bad memories in favor of the ones from the first months of Morgan’s life, of the first time she smiled at him and said “Dada,” of how easily he slipped into the role of father despite how hard it had seemed for his own. Of how perfect his life had turned out regardless of all his imperfections, all his sins.

He had a kid and a wife, and as much as he loved them—as much as he wanted to move forward—even they couldn’t help him passed the pain and the blame and the mourning. Of Peter, of the people he’d failed, of the crushing weight of his loss and his failures. Yes, they grounded him and kept him from descending into madness, but god how he had wanted to _move on_.

Pepper had. And for awhile, he managed to keep up appearances, lying even to himself when needed. But she had an uncanny ability to see right through him. They talked about it, sought therapists, and he tried, oh god, how he _tried_ to be everything she needed him to be, but in the end it wasn’t enough. _He_ wasn’t enough. It seemed he never was.

He thought that would break him, the first night he slept in the guest bedroom, alone with his thoughts as he wrestled his demons, but at least he could breathe again. He didn’t have to feign strength and resilience as he sobbed into a pillow in the dark. He hated himself for not seeing just how far he’d dragged Pepper down until she rose up like a phoenix. And damn, was she beautiful.

Things got easier after they officially divorced, like their marriage license had come with a curse now lifted. Pepper still ran the company, which meant lots of traveling and living in the city during the week while he and Morgan stayed at the cabin having tea parties in between tinkering with tech. She’d come home for the weekend or they’d visit her in New York, or even tag along on the occasional business trip.

They kept their uncoupling from the media and most everyone else. Tony didn’t need that kind of stress, and Pepper didn’t deserve the kind of circus the news would’ve brought her way. Hell, not even the Avengers knew, not that he kept in close contact after Thanos. But somehow they made it work. In fact, it made them better, their relationship an ever-evolving entity with a mind of its own.

She had said he could rest now, and he knew what she’d meant even through the haze of a dying brain. It meant goodbye and I love you and we’ll be okay all rolled into one. He could rest, he could die. He could finally _move on_.

But he still had some demons to face, ones shrouded in darkness and despair that came to him in dreams, in nightmares. He could feel them now, gnawing at the edges of his consciousness, begging him to join them, taunting him, enticing him. The Chutauri, the wormhole, New York circa 2012.

A shimmer of green pulled him back, and he didn’t have time to acknowledge the concern on Loki’s face as he hovered over him. Tony jumped to his feet, both hands combing through his hair as he stalked toward the windows. He had to see for himself: the hole in the sky, or the lack thereof.

“Stark?” Loki asked, voice soft like he didn’t want to scare the frightened animal in front of him. “Is everything all right?”

“Don’t give her false hope,” Tony croaked, throat tight and twisted around the words. “Just let me die.”

Loki stepped in front of him, piercing eyes studying him. “Beg your pardon?”

“I’ve done my part!” His haunted eyes turned sharp upon the god, cutting into him like a jagged piece of glass. “You said I get to choose. I’m done. Let me go.” Exhaustion overtook all his senses. He brought everyone back. He defeated Thanos. He’d done all he could, gave everything he had. Was that not enough? Pepper said he could rest, and right now, that’s all he wanted to do.

Loki nodded in understanding. “If you insist, but may I show you something first?”

Tony wanted to say no, just get it over with, but before he could open his mouth, he felt the floor beneath him give way, and he fell.

* * *

Loki knew he shouldn’t do it, let someone in. Willingly nonetheless. But he’d already convinced the others of his investment in Stark’s care, and he didn’t want to let Thor down. Not again, not before they’d finished pouring the foundation for a new start. So drastic measures. Because the life or death of the Man of Iron sure felt like drastic times.

He let his magic ripple through his fingertips and granted Stark entrance into his mind. It seemed only fair considering Loki slipped in and out of his at will. Tony landed on his back a few paces away, dust from the icy rock formation taking flight all around him.

“Consider yourself lucky,” Loki said. “I fell for ages.”

Tony scrambled to his feet, his defenses going up despite his lack of armor. “What the hell was that?”

“I believe that was my fall from grace.”

Tony didn’t look impressed with his explanation.

Loki sighed. “I’m sure Thor told you about my fall from Asgard.” He paused long enough for Tony to nod. “I had chosen to die, and yet here I am.”

“On a dusty old rock? Whirling through space?”

“You just described every planet in existence.”

“Point taken,” Tony said with the hint of a chuckle as he looked around. “This is where he found you? Thanos, I mean.”

“This is where Nebula found me, yes.” Loki didn’t want to think about Thanos, of how he’d corrupted his fragile mind in one of his darkest moments. So he walled it off. No need for Stark to witness that unfortunate sequence of events. “This isn’t what we came here to see.”

“And where are we exactly?” Tony asked, his curiosity unable to fully mask his suspicions. “Other than this rock.”

Loki looked up into the vast expanse of stars, a comfortable smile on his lips. “We are in my mind.”

“Not the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard, but how is that—”

“Possible? Because I’ve allowed it.”

Tony scoffed. “I mean, how am _I_ in _your_ head? You obviously use your Asgardian VooDoo—”

“Magic.”

“Yeah, yeah, but I’ve never been a very good mind reader. Just ask Pep.”

Loki cocked out his hip as he crossed his arms. “Bridges usually go both ways, Stark.”

“Or maybe my brain’s so fucked that none of this is real. Or you’re tricking me somehow.”

Loki tried not to let that get to him. Yes, his title included God of Mischief, but that shouldn’t define him, not completely anyway. Not everything flowing from his lips came gift wrapped in a lie or tied up with a pretty bow of half truths and deceit. How easily they forget his titles of Prince and King.

“What purpose would that serve me?” Loki snarled, growing evermore frustrated with these Midgardians and their stubborn insistence on blaming him for Thanos’s doing. “Manipulating the decaying mind of a broken body is so far beneath me, I wouldn’t know where to start.”

Tony shrugged as he kicked at a rock, and much to Loki’s surprise, he didn’t strike back, the stillness growing between them leaching out some of his aggression. He could’ve continued his attack, pushing all Tony’s buttons until finding one that struck a chord, but he didn’t because neither of them had much time to waste.

“Considering I asked you to let me die already, I suppose it doesn’t matter either way,” Tony said, meeting Loki’s eyes for the first time since their arrival.

Loki blew out a long breath. He understood Stark’s apathy, all things considered, and he could relate to the exhaustion etched in every line of his face. “If that’s what you truly wish, but first I want to remind you what you’re choosing to leave behind.”  


* * *

Loki snapped his fingers and Tony watched as the dark sky transformed into the bright artificial lights of a hospital room. He knew who occupied the bed in the center on instinct as well as the chair beside it, the unmistakable curve of Pepper’s shoulders a dead giveaway. His heart stopped when he heard Morgan’s voice, and a tremor rattled his spine as he tiptoed around Pepper, just enough to glimpse their daughter’s profile.

“Morgan?”

“It’s a memory, Stark. I’m afraid they can’t hear you,” Loki supplied, but he didn’t register the words, his head spinning at the scene unfolding in front of him. 

Morgan sat in Pepper’s lap, her small hands clasped around two of his still fingers. She didn’t look sad or upset, which he felt grateful for, but he hated the fact she had to see him like that, strung up like a Christmas tree wrapped in blinking lights, only one bruised and broken and nowhere near as jolly.

Her angelic voice enveloped him like a love-worn sweater, but he had little time to relish in it before he heard her words. “ _Hot potato, hot potato... hot potato,_ ” she sang, and his knees buckled.

He collapsed beside them, his fingers begging for him to reach out and _touch,_ but he couldn’t make his muscles move, her form phasing into liquid at the edges through his tears. She looked even more perfect than he remembered, his little girl showing such strength in spite of the grim circumstances. She got that from Pepper.

“This is from an hour ago,” Loki answered, though Tony didn’t register asking any questions. Perhaps Loki had anticipated it or maybe just read his mind. “They’re here every morning when I arrive.”

“I-I thought I heard her singing,” Tony said, his voice pinched off at the end by a broken sob.

“You did.”

“ _She met Peter yesterday_ ,” Pepper said.

Morgan’s smile could have blinded the sun at the mention of Peter’s name. “ _He said he’ll have a tea party with us when you wake up, daddy!_ ”

Her excitement cut him to the quick. Not if but when, she’d said. No hesitation, no fear, no doubt in her tiny heart that he wouldn’t wake up. And how could he deny her her convictions?

“You’re manipulating me,” Tony growled through the pain and the nausea bubbling up inside his gut. One hand wrapped around his middle the other slammed into the floor to keep him from a full scale collapse, a phantom cold seeping into his palm from the sterile tile.

A heavy weight settled against his shoulder, but he dislodged it with a violent shrug as he pushed himself upright. He noticed Loki crouching down in his periphery, though he couldn’t take his eyes off his little girl, her babbling voice a balm to his soul despite his inability to focus on her words.

“Why can’t I understand her?”

“I do my best not to eavesdrop,” Loki replied.

Any other time, Tony would have found that noble despite his skepticism, but now it only made him seethe.

“ _We’ll be back after lunch, Tony_ ,” Pepper said. She jostled Morgan around as she stood, hefting their daughter onto her hip with ease.

A whispered “ _I love you 3000, daddy_ ” had his heart fracturing in two, shrapnel no arc reactor or doctor could ever remove carving caverns through his chest. Her name died on his lips, his entire body as paralyzed as the one strewn out on the bed in front of him. She waved as Pepper carried her out, big brown eyes never leaving his lifeless body.

No, he couldn’t let that version of himself be the last one she’d see, the one she’d remember above all else for the rest of her life. He wouldn’t do that to her. He couldn’t.

“You have a lot more to live for than I ever had,” Loki murmured. “Don’t be so foolish as to throw it all away.”

His hands tightened into fists, his thoughts warring between pummeling a god and crumbling to pieces.

“I can’t leave her,” he choked out, his head swimming as an all too familiar curtain of black swallowed him up.

* * *

Loki jolted back into himself, a cacophony of beeping machines serenading him as his consciousness registered the alarms.

“He arrested,” cried a nurse as she rushed through the door followed by several medical personnel.

Loki rolled his eyes and stood from his chair, crossing his arms while he watched the doctors work to stabilize Stark. “Does he have to make such a big scene out of it?”

“What did you do, Loki?” Bruce spat from behind him. 

Loki turned, his gaze drawn directly to the green veins running down Banner’s neck and throbbing under the surface. He contemplated poking the bear to see what kind of monster popped out, but he thought better of it. Growth. “I talked him out of dying—you’re welcome, by the way—but he appears to have a flair for the dramatic.”

“Hmm, who does that remind me of?” Thor said from where he and Dr. Strange stood by the door. His voice had come out harsh, but Loki noticed the fondness in his brother’s eyes.

“And we’re supposed to believe you had nothing to do with his heart stopping?” Dr. Strange asked. Unlike Thor, he had nothing but suspicion on his face.

“I’m sure it’ll only be for a moment,” Loki replied, looking back at Tony. “Ah, see, there it goes again. From what I’ve heard of Stark, this is a frequent occurrence.”

The minute huff of laughter Banner let out gave credence to his statement.

“And you had nothing to do with this?” Thor asked.

Loki spun a hand in the air. “Tangentially, I suppose, but I merely showed him a memory of his daughter from this morning.”

“So you changed his mind,” Bruce said.

“He’s still alive, isn’t he?”

“Are we supposed to thank you?” Strange asked, and Loki had to stop himself from grinning at the thunderous glare he watched Thor give him.

But his amusement faded as he sighed, growing weary of having to explain himself at every turn. “There’s only so much I can do with my magic. His body is still unstable. I’m doing my part to keep his mind intact.” He felt a hulking hand on his shoulder and tried not to flinch at the green fingers lingering in his periphery.

“Well, I for one, don’t have a problem thanking you, Loki,” Banner said with a gentle squeeze. “We’re all doing what we can.”

Loki appreciated the vote of confidence—and for Stark not dying. He didn’t need the hassle of getting swept up in some quasi witch hunt determined to prove he had something to do with it. Nope, not going to happen. Because he had begun to embrace the possibility he and Tony had more similarities than originally thought, the realization giving rise to an irresistible desire to pull on that thread and watch it unravel.


End file.
